How Do You Want to Be Remembered? A Guide + Prompts

How do you want to be remembered? For most people, the honest answer isn't about achievements. It's about how they made others feel, what they stood for, and the small moments their family will carry forward. The best way to answer the question is to write or record it in your own words, while you can still choose them.

That sounds simple, but most of us never do it. We assume our family already knows. Often they know the outline, but not the reasons, the stories or the lessons behind them.

This guide walks you through it: what the question really asks, an example of a finished answer, and a step-by-step way to find your own, with 20 prompts to get you started. It's one part of a bigger idea, leaving a legacy your family can actually hold on to. If you're thinking about your parents' stories too, start with our questions to ask your parents.

What the Question Really Asks

"How do you want to be remembered?" is three questions in one:

• Who you were. The values, habits and quirks that made you you: how you treated people, what made you laugh, what you couldn't stand.
• What mattered. The relationships, work and causes you gave your time to, and why.
• What you want to pass on. The lessons, stories and hopes you want the people after you to keep.

You don't need a grand answer to any of them. A few honest sentences, in your own voice, are worth more to your family than a polished speech.

What we see at LastingMind. One thing we hear time and time again is that people want to be remembered as someone who loved their family.But it raises an important question: Does their family know just how much they were loved? And perhaps more importantly, have they taken the time to tell them?

An Example: What a Finished Answer Can Look Like

Here's a sample answer, written the way someone might say it out loud to their grandkids. It isn't long or polished, and that's the point.

"I want you to remember that I showed up. I wasn't the smartest guy in the room and I didn't make a fortune, but if you called, I came. I drove four hours in a snowstorm for your mom's first recital and I'd do it again."

"I want you to remember that I laughed easily, mostly at myself. Life is too long to take yourself seriously the whole way through."

"And I want you to keep Sunday dinners going. Not because of the food. Because it's the one time everybody puts their phone down and talks. That's where this family happened."

Notice what makes it work:

• It's specific. "I drove four hours in a snowstorm" says more than "I was dependable."
• It sounds like a person. Plain words, the way they actually talk.
• It passes something on. It ends with a tradition and the reason behind it.

How to Figure Out How You Want to Be Remembered: 6 Steps

1. Imagine the people, not the eulogy

Picture one specific person, such as a grandchild, years from now, telling someone about you. What do you hope they say? Starting with one person makes the answer concrete instead of abstract.

2. List the moments you're proudest of

Not your resume. The moments. The time you stood up for someone, the business you built from nothing, the year you held the family together. Write down five without editing.

3. Name three values

Look at your list. What do those moments have in common? Kindness, grit, humor, faith, curiosity? Pick the three words you'd most want attached to your name.

4. Find a story for each value

Values stick when they come with a story. For each word, find one real moment that shows it. This is what your family will retell.

5. Decide what you want to pass on

A lesson, a tradition, a recipe, a piece of advice. Be specific about why it matters, not just what it is.

6. Say it in your own voice, and save it

Write it, or better, record it. Your family will want to hear your voice, your pauses, the way you laugh at your own joke. You can use your phone's voice memo app, or LastingMind, which guides you with questions like the ones below, records your answers and turns them into a life story your family can keep. You don't have to get it right the first time. Add to it as you go.

20 Prompts to Help You Answer

Pick one a day, and talk or write for five minutes.

Who you are

• 1. What three words would you want people to use to describe you?
• 2. What do you hope people feel when they think of you?
• 3. What is a habit or quirk your family will always associate with you?
• 4. What always makes you laugh?
• 5. What did you learn late that you wish you'd known early?

What mattered

• 6. Who shaped you most, and how?
• 7. What is the hardest thing you've been through, and what did it teach you?
• 8. What are you proudest of that isn't on your resume?
• 9. What did you give your time to, and why?
• 10. What would you do again in a heartbeat?

What you want to pass on

• 11. What is the best advice you ever got?
• 12. What tradition do you hope your family keeps, and why?
• 13. What do you want your grandchildren to know about where they come from?
• 14. What do you hope your family does differently from you?
• 15. What recipe, song or place should always be part of this family?

What you want to say

• 16. What do you want each of your children to know?
• 17. Is there something you've never said out loud that you want to?
• 18. What would you want read at your celebration of life?
• 19. How do you want people to carry on after you're gone?
• 20. If you could leave one sentence for future generations, what would it be?

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I answer "How do you want to be remembered?"

Start with how you want people to feel when they think of you, then back it up with one or two real stories. Three values and a story for each is enough for a strong answer.

What are examples of how people want to be remembered?

Common answers include being kind, being there for family, making people laugh, working hard, living by their faith, and helping others. The most memorable answers attach each one to a specific moment.

When should I think about how I want to be remembered?

Now. It's easier while life is busy and memories are sharp, and your answer can change over time. Many people start in their 50s or 60s, but there's no wrong age.

Should I write it down or record it?

Both work, but a recording keeps your voice, which families often treasure most. Many people record first, then turn the best parts into a letter.

What's the difference between this and a legacy letter?

This question is the starting point: figuring out what matters to you. A legacy letter (also called an ethical will) is one way to share the answer with your family.

Start in Your Own Words

You don't need the perfect answer to begin. You just need the first story. LastingMind guides you with simple questions, records your answers in your own voice, and turns them into a life story your family can keep.

Start your story →